


Sansa and her foul mouth

by Ardenwyn



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Don't Read This, Explicit Language, F/M, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardenwyn/pseuds/Ardenwyn
Summary: We all know the young Lady Sansa as a sweet, innocent, courteous lady. But... What would happen if Sansa wasn't a lady at all? What if her courtsies and politeness were non-existent? Would she still be able to fare in King's Landing? And what would her intended Joffrey think?
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

It was her handmaiden that woke her early in the morning.  
Sansa tried to open her eyes, while cursing the day and her handmaiden.  
Alyssa apologized. 'Forgive me, my lady. King Joffrey has summoned you for Court early this morning.'  
'If joffrey was any more inbred he'd be a sandwich,' Sansa muttered to herself as she swung her legs out of bed. Alyssa gasped. 'My _lady_!' she stared at her in utter disbelief. Sansa rolled her eyes at her. 'It's gonna be a shit day, but it's gonna be fine. There is one thing I once learned from a great knight. Many knew of him." Sansa said as got undressed. "It always helped me when I had to look at ugly faces right when I awoke on the morrow."  
"What was his name, my lady?" Alyssa asked, seemingly interested in Sansa's tale. "And what did he teach you?"  
"His name was ser Felix of house Kjellberg. He taught me that..."  
She paused, raising one hand in the air diagonally,  
"He taught me that u should dab on da haters boiiiii!" She declared, alligning her arm in a sharp angle as she hid her face in the crook of her arm in one swift motion.  
Sansa laughed, her nose wrinkling and her eyes squinting as she made gurgling noises as she lost her breath. "hahahahah Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch"  
She wanted to say more, but couldn't even finish the thought before breaking into another fit of laughter. "It all sounds so funny when I write it down in my head, ye know." Her handmaiden took a step backwards. "Do you need writing material, my lady? For a letter? I could send for a page!" Alyssa reached for the doorknob and tried to leave the room, but Sansa called her to a stop. "ay boi no m8 it's gud just gimme a dress k its cold as fucken balls in here." Sansa rubbed her arms to give it more emphasis.  
Alyssa, visibly astonished hearing lady Sansa speak in both syllables and numerics, was at a loss for words. She remained silent and headed to her cabinet, picking out her attire for today. In the mean time, Sansa rubbed her teats uncomfortably while looking at herself in the mirror. "ma fucken nips are hard as diamonds in this bloody cold m80 so hand over dA f00k€N dr€$$ N1GG/\\!" She called out, purposefully speaking in strange numerics to scare her handmaiden more. The blonde-haired girl almost tripped over her own feet as she brought the dress to her. It was a red and gold one, with a deep neckline and two golden lions grabbing the attention to her chest.  
One of the many jokes of Cersei, to humiliate her in front of the entire court.  
"that fucken cunt," muttered Sansa under her breath. She grabbed the dress from her hands and held it in front of her, letting out some wind. The wet sound echoed through the room and it made her bottom jiggle a little.  
"fuk me that was loud," she commented, looking at the bodice with a wary look on her face. "dis dress ugly as shit boi 10/10 would not wear." Alyssa barely caught the dress Sansa threw in her direction. as she looked at her with pleading eyes. "My lady, the queen would flog me. It is a gift from her. I beg you, please try it on!" She stroked the glimmering fabric of the dress.  
"You would look lovely in it, mylady," she added, smiling nervously.  
Sansa looked at her, then the dress, as she straightened her mouth in a thin line, her blue eyes half lidded with feigned boredom. She took one step closer to her handmaiden, grabbing her face in her hands. "does it look like i give 2 shits m8? She can sukk ma salty nutz, how bout that!" Sansa laughed at the shocked face of the mousy girl, as she herself stepped to the closet and flipped through the dresses, silently complaining. "dis hairy cunt wakin me up hella early givin me ho-ass clothes." Her eyebrows knitting together in thought. "Whose balls do I have to use as a powderbrush to get sum fucken sweatpants sent in here?"


	2. Court

The sun near blinded the young lady Stark as she walked through the halls of the red keep. The light, as well as a cool summer's wind stroke across her features. Anyone walking past saw the disgraced daughter of Ned Stark, striding past as graceful as one could manage whilst gazing at the floor. This morning has begun as bad could be, and meeting eyes with whomever came by was the last thing she wanted. _these ugly ass niggas staring straight at ma fucken tits and shit,_ she inwardly narrated. _The fuck outta here. Already gotta deal w/ those Lannister guard-cunts sniffing my ass everywhere I go. Not to mention dis hot-ass sun burning ma face like a fresh new yeast infection lmao_ She snorted at her own silly thought, quickly turning it into a cough as she ventured into the Great Hall. Sansa's hidden smile immediately soured at the sight of the pair of Lannisters proudly standing near the throne, Cersei and her beloved son, King Joffrey. They seemed to be having a heated discussion, whispering to eachother, even hunched over. Suddenly they both looked straight at her. _Fuk me sideways I can smell her farting her brothers cum all the way from here_ , she thought as she quickly curtsied, her face frozen. _Nasty slut_.  
Sansa hurried to her place at the balcony, the best place to be if you wanted to spend as little as time looking at the king's face as possible. It was lucky she had a strong stomach, or her egg-and-cheese breakfast would have come out of her as soon as she laid eyes upon her betrothed. Some more ladies came standing next to her, their perfume smell churning her stomach even more. Somewhere in the back of her mind it reminded her of her own perfumes. _dat bitch alyssa stole my goddamn roller deo. I'm sure as fuk. She boutta get her ass whooped imma tell you. soon as I see her- she ded_. Sansa tried to smell herself as inconspicuously as she could, and she immediately regretted it. _Jesus christ when was the last time I shaved my fucken pits?_ She tried to imagine the hairy mess going on right underneath her arms. Her silky, red hair on her head truly had no comparison to it. _Puberty messin with ma hormones makin me smell like a ded horse fuken a ded fish_. The image of her first kiss with Joffrey suddenly came to mind. Now she truly felt sick to the stomach. _I aint smell half as bad as his breath tho_

Sansa turned to the lady standing next to her. She had no idea who she was, but she cared not. "Ey whaddup ma girl when dis shit finna start imma bout to pass tf out lmao" The green-dressed young girl looked quite taken aback with her words. "My lady, I… I wouldn't know.' Her tiny mouth trembled into a smile as she curtsied. "Best we wait patiently until His Grace sees fit to begin, wouldn't you say?" Sansa looked down at her questionably. "sees fit? Nigga he skinny and greasy like a deep fried noodle. He aint fit for shit. Only thing he fit is the Eiffel tower up his brown star!" Sansa laughed and accidentally shot out some mucus. She looked at the girl friendly as she wiped her snot with her hand and stuck it out to her to shake. "The Eiffel tower and Brown Star? I've never heard of these places. Is that in the north?" The girl, around twelve, awkwardly took her wet hand and squeezed. _dis girl dum as fuck jfc_ "I'm just playin girl don't u worry ma name sansa stark of winterfel hbu"  
"Aleria Naq'uar of Braavos, my lady," she quietly replied as the crowd finally started to hush down. "A pleasure to meet you."  
"damn girl try not to cum," Sansa said. She quickly turned her face to the fourth wall. "I know that was an easy joke shut up k I'm hella baked."  
Aleria tapped her arm. "Lady Sansa, are you alright? Who are you talking to?" Sansa quickly turned around and looked over at the girl one more time. "OK den imma call u lesbo just to remember ur name cuz I already got an alyssa as my handmaiden and just cuz Ardenwyn is shit @ coming up with names doesn't mean imma be learning a fuckton of em that sounds da same ok?"  
"What are y-"  
"shut da hel up dude the cringefest is boutta start."

At last, Joffrey stood up from his throne and waved his arm slowly across the crowd, as if to silent them. "Lords and ladies, commonfolk, farmers, knights and all who is present. I thank you for coming."  
"Gayyyyyy" Sansa silently muttered.  
"Before I will start court, I must address a simple issue with my beloved betrothed, the lady Sansa Stark." He turned to her, his sneering smile across his face as he waved her to him. "My lady, if you please, join me." Whispers and gossip started to form around her as she froze up. She could feel Aleria looking up at her wide-eyed.  
 _no fucken way he just heard me,_ Sansa reasoned with herself as she tried not to recoil at the thought of getting down there. The temptation to mess with him would be too strong.  
"Little dove, what are you waiting for?" Cersei Lannister called out to her. "Hurry up, child!" Sansa turned around for the stairs and rolled her eyes so hard they hurt. Her deep, exasperated sigh could be heard from anywhere in King's Landing, had the people listened for it. _Of course she gotta do me like that callin me a fucken child. Bitch imma mess with u too 2day how bout dat  
_ Sansa walked right up to him, uncomfortably close as she gave him the most sarcastic curtsy she could offer. "Your Grace, what a pleasure it is to be received by you this early on the morrow. I am grateful you would find the time for one such as me. Now what the liVING FU-"  
"I summoned you here this morning to inquire you about a peculiar thing I heard," Joffrey interrupted her. "My advisors tell me you tend to stroll around the castle after curfew."  
"So?" Sansa frowned.  
"So, what?" Joffrey threatened, his eyes flashing with anger. From his left side, where Cersei was standing, she looked absolutely livid.  
"I'm sorry. So _what_?" The look on his face was priceless. "…Your grace?" she added innocently.  
"It is for your own safety to stay in your chambers after curfew. _My lady_ ," he answered, voice dangerously low. Sansa tellingly looked at his mouth for a second and took a step backwards. Her face cringed in disgust and she stopped her breathing audibly. "Oh but, my king, I do truly apologize. I was not aware this castle lacks the safety to let little old me roam about when I'm unable to sleep?" she loudly exclaimed, stealing one look at Aleria. She looked as if she could collapse from shock as she kept talking. The rest of the crowd wisely stayed quiet.  
"These are not your concerns. You do as you are told!" Joffrey yelled at her, losing his patience. "You stay in your room after dark, until the sun is up!"  
 _Score!_ Sansa thought to herself. _That means no more early morning tea with cersei and her fuckwit cousins. Can't even take a proper morning dump with those people._ She gave him a quick curtsy. "Thank you, my king." She smiled at him. As propriety dictated, he took her hand and pressed a quick kiss on it. Too bad a big booger was stuck to her palm and the top of her hand was still wet from when she wiped her nose earlier.

She saw his face change into realization for a split second but before he could react to the salty taste she already bolted to cersei. Just as she bowed for her curtsy she passed a foul smelling wind, a perfectly executed- silent and deadly. As she ran up to her new little friend on the balcony she could hear Cersei gagging.

_Perfect._


	3. Red flowers and golden roses

The temperatures were rising tremendously in the Great Hall of the Red Keep. Joffrey, looking equally handsome as he did evil, sat on his iron throne and looked down onto the commoner with a sneer on his face. The tension in the hall was thick as the morning mist as all present stood quiet at hearing the poor man's plea. 'Your Grace, in the name of the seven I beg you to forgive me for this crime. I…' He swallowed audibly and tried to speak, but Joffrey cut him off. 'This man deems himself more valuable than the others in this city. He stole food that belonged to someone who needs it just as much. What kind of arrogant man deserves the mercy of the gods?' he asked him. No one answered, so the king continued. 'Whether the gods will give you mercy will not be up to me. So let's test this, shall we? Ser Illyn, cut off the arms and legs of this man, see if the Gods will deem him worthy enough to live, without stealing and running ever again.' A wave of shock followed through the hall, as the commoner screamed for mercy until one of the guard punched him hard enough to seize the noise.

'absolutely no fucken way I'm gonna sit here any longer. Jesus fucking Christ this be taking hella long!' Sansa whispered to Aleria a little frustrated. Watching people's tongue or hands cut off is fun mostly twice a week. On those days, she would have a first row view from the balcony, as she saw nothing was more enjoyable than seeing the shocked look from the faces of the other ladies she passed after court, her dress bloodied and a mad look in her eyes, as if she single-handedly cut the throats of every enemy she ever had. Sansa grinned inwardly at the thought. But it was already way past midday and her red flower was blooming. That, accompanied with the moist heat in the red keep and standing for hours, was quite uncomfortable. Some ladies looked over her way, but they said nothing. Sansa held her hands in front of her mouth and raised her voice. 'Can we hurry this bullshit up a bit please? Ma period be coming hella strong boi, its drippin down ma leg like a fucken faucet, ain't got nothing on chopping off arms n legs n shit, I swear.'

Joffrey looked over her way in utter disbelief. Cersei's green eyes flashed with anger and embarrassment and Sandor Clegane, standing strong and tall like a tower, kind of slumped in his stance, closing his eyes in annoyance. The man who was about to be judged still sat there, dropped to his knees, staring at her with a terrified look in his eyes, visibly shocked and confused.

Sansa glanced over at her friend Aleria, her face absolutely horrified as she carefully watched the king in case he might explode in rage. It kind of made her laugh and all the more encouraged to ruin court.  
' _Why you little…_ ' Cersei started, but quickly got interrupted by Joffrey. Sansa saw him clenching his fist all the way from up the balcony. 'Lady Sansa, I am in the middle of my kingly duties. I will see to your health later. You are excused _for now._ ' His voice betrayed the impending doom and torture she was soon to receive. It did not faze Sansa one bit. She raised her thumbs up in feigned appraision and raised her voice again. 'Ayyy mate thx so much imma be takin dis girl with me-' she put her arm around Aleria, pale as a ghost- 'She a dumbass I know but I ran strait outta pads dis morning and I'm dropping big blobs of blood, dude, so she gotta help' She paused and shook her head in memory of what she felt falling out of her skirts whilst walking. Joffrey raised his hand to stop her from talking but she pretended not to see. 'Bruh imma tell ya its like an ongoing fetus waterfall so try not to slip out there lmao' Sansa laughed, giving Aleria a playful shove. 'lucky it's just ma period, cuz being preggo makes u hella fat, right, queen cersei?'  
'That is quite enough!' Cersei yelled at her, losing her patience.  
'Just go!' Joffrey added. 'I will see you later, _my lady!_ '  
Sansa huffed and pulled a confused Aleria along with her. 'No need to be all sarcastic and shit, Yer grace, fuck,' she replied as she walked out to the corridors, taking one conspiratorially glance at her friend. 'dis fucking guy swer 2 god…' Luckily, the doors to the Great Hall closed quickly behind them and the screams of the bejudged man losing his limbs soon followed.

Sansa knew not what it was about the tiny lady, were it her youth, her innocence or perhaps how she seemed to understand most of what she was saying, it made her the smallest bit protective over her. Perhaps she could even find a true friend in her. As long as she stayed meek and quiet and above all open minded, there were in for a lot of laughs. Honestly Sansa was glad she could spare the child the sight of arms ánd legs cut off. Although, she did feel a pang of sorry not to be there for the bloody spectacle.

It took about five minutes of walking before Aleria could form any words. 'My Lady, How could I ever explain to the king what just has happened? Won't he be mad at the crude things you said?' Her eyes were large and a panicked look crossed her face. 'And what about me? The king and the kings guard wouldn't hurt the King's intended, but they would punish me! My own lord father would flog me on the streets if I used such language!' She grabbed Sansa's arms and shook them. 'Mylady, why would you involve me-?'  
'jesus fucken Christ can u maybe chill 4 like 0.2 seconds 4 da love of god' She freed herself from her grip. '1. Don't fucken touch me bruh. 2. Joffrey isn't gonna do shit. 3. I can take every single fucken knight he can throw me. I'm on ma period and men are allergic to dirty pads, ye know.'  
It was most likely her smile that made the young Aleria calm down a little, softening the tensed muscles in her shoulders. 'My lady…' she started, running her hand through her chocolate coloured curls in defeat. 'What in the seven hells do you mean?'  
'l00k mate. Dat dude's still gonna be in there for hours and he can take his pick to fuk around with whomever he wants, ok? He's gon be seeing people getting chopped da fuk up in dat boiling fuken room like a broke-ass people stew. Ain't no way hes gon remember to slap me in da face for having shark week. Not to mention remember what u look like. Ur hella small girl & frankly he don't give 2 shits.' She raised an eyebrow at her. 'No offense bro,' she added.  
'None taken.' Aleria replied reluctantly, still not entirely convinced. 'And what of the dirty pads?'  
'Raise one up in the air, one bloody as fuk, swear 2 god errbody gonna back the fuk down. I once saw on youtube guys going fucken insane w/ their gf's prankin them with bloody tampons and shit man, niggaz be droppin down on da floor like u just pulled out a bazooka or something. Hehehe.' She giggled at the memory. Aleria once again had no idea how to answer to that, but the look on her face was one of understanding.  
'Perhaps you might be so kind as to teach me of these things, mylady,' The lady Aleria rubbed her cream-coloured sleeves. 'I do wish to know how things go in the capital. I'm sure it is nothing like Braavos, or anything else in Westeros for that matter!'  
'Fuk knows,' Sansa said, honestly not knowing much else besides the cold North, the warm walls of Winterfell and the summer castle in a city that smells like feces. 'But that's ok girl, on one condition. U gotta be ma partner in crime, two minds will conjure up bigger and better pranks for sure.' She smiled down at her expectantly.  
'Do we have a deal?' She saw the young girl's face changing from wonder, to fear, to determination and finally, to cunningness.  
It took so long that two handmaidens hurried along the corridor, walking past them, whispering.  
_'I heard Margaery Tyrell is even more beautiful than the queen! I cannot believe they'll all be here in a few days!'  
_Aleria looked up at Sansa, giving her half a smile. 'Mylady, we have a deal.'


	4. Peace and pieces

Sansa was rolling around on the floor, her arms clenched around her leg as if her life depended on it, but reaching she could not. Lady Aleria looked up from looking through Sansa's belongings on her vanity and saw her lady friend stretching in all kinds of ways. She seemed to have a little trouble with… what ever it was she was doing. 'Lady Sansa, what are you doing, might I ask?' Sansa waved a hand at her dismissively and went back to her fight with her limbs… Or maybe just her foot. At last she reached her long toenail with her teeth and ripped off a piece of it. Finally she let go of herself and stretched out on the floor in relief. Aleria closely watched her going and blinked in understanding. Unbelievable this High born lady would do something this unfeminine right in front of her. 'Mylady, were you just trying to bite off your toenail?'  
'Well fuk me what else does it look like bro?' Sansa lift up her head from the ground. 'That thing stung me awake last night. Punctured ma leg like a crack needle, the son of a bitch.' She spit the nail out in her hand and stared at it in amazement. 'God damn this thing long and sharp as fuck.' She stuck it out to the youngest lady Naq'uar as she came over to sit next to her. 'Look @ dis fucken thing. Think I might make a knife out of it, what do you think?' Aleria smiled as she lifted herself up on her elbows. 'It has the right kind of yellow for a beautiful green handle. It would make for a fine dagger, my lady.'  
Sansa laughed in appreciation of her attempt at humor and gave her a friendly tap on the shoulder. 'That's my girl. See? That's funny. I will make it a gift to you, how bout that?'  
'No thank you, Lady Sansa, that would be such a waste…' She laughed a bit nervously. Knowing her, she would do it, unquestionably. Sansa shrugged as she put the nail in a small box behind her.

The day has been enchanting in it's beauty. It was but a few hours to go until the lords and ladies from House Tyrell would arrive. It could be a chance, she reminded herself ever since she heard it. They have not been married yet. Cutting off his manhood with a blunt knive would make a bloody mess and not a great way to start a wedding night.

But it had to be so. It was the only way to make peace after lord Stark was executed. Stannis had been in open rebellion ever since, as well as the north. Renly soon sought to marry the lady Tyrell. Had he not been murdered by the lady Melisandre- had he not been avenged soon after by Brienne of Tarth... Her lady mother was there too, she later heard. She surely would have been naïve enough to try and stop her, and that would result in an all out war. Stannis' fleet and army soon retreated back to the Stormlands. The Tyrell army and family returned to highgarden too, choosing not to wage war with no one left to lead them, to fight for. It was a sudden, unexpected peace that fell upon the kingdom soon after, especially since her brother was now stopped in finding any more major allies to fight the Westerlands ánd the capital. So Sansa's mood got even more sour when queen Cersei approached her on the balcony. The queen looked especially well dressed the day Sansa found out about it all. Cersei's tight-fitting blood-red dress, was new and wavy, and had a strange sort of golden armour around the waist and chest. It had to have made her feel more intimidating. Which of course, would not work on the northern lady.

Sansa heard her footsteps approach and sighing inwardly, she took a look behind her shoulder and shook her head. She turned around, her face down and her loose hair framing around her face. For a moment Cersei looked pleased, relieved even at her frightened stance, but that soon was ruined when she saw she was tapping away at a black, shiny cut stone. 'ok so maledy cersei, what the hell is ur wifi password i mean this shit signal cant even google me out of a paper bag. Wtf is that about even?' she stretched her hand and reached the stone up in the sky. Cersei looked at her and tightened her jaw in annoyance at her lack of curtsies. 'If you are trying to send your little stone to somewhere, sweet dove, a paper bag would be useless. You'd best put it in a box. You can ask for one from your page, and he doesn't require a password.'  
Her eyes coldened in realization. 'Unless you are trying to send out messages in codes…' she took a threatening step towards her. 'You would be advised to do not so. You are closely guarded for a reason, daughter of Ned Stark!'  
Sansa, whose face has been fairly neutral in stoic annoyance, suddenly reached her behind and scratched, the look of sheer relief visible all over her face. 'Dude…' she sniffed her hand and pulled a disgusted face. 'Idk wtf ur talking about. I aint got time to learn codes and shit, I'm trying to get wifi or signal but…!' She waved her arm across the balcony view in a dramatic gesture. 'Despite being in the largest, warmest places ive ever been in, its poor and it smells fucking bad, man, and I can't even make a proper phonecall.'  
Cersei straightened herself and, while eyeing her from the side she looked at King's Landing, smelled the air, the salt sea and the commoners in the distance. 'Exactly, lady Stark. That is precisely what I wanted to talk about.'  
Sansa looked not at all convinced.  
'You have heard of the troops standing down in the west?'  
'Well, yeah. Heard it this morning, last night I was busy sowing some panties. I don't like the breeze.'  
'Imagine the breeze of your dead family raising in the air and filling your lungs. Lost in between enemies. My father, my brother- all ready to kill every single last Stark and northerner that is out there. Do you think Joffery would oppose to that idea?' she paused.  
'idk, guess not. Tf u want from me tho?'  
'I don't want bloodshed any more than you do.'  
'sick fuck…' Sansa whispered.  
'And I don't want to give your brother any idea I'll allow him to ever be king. Join Joffrey in marriage, and be assured of that safety. For you, your family, the north, and this city. Your brother will renounce his title as 'king in the north.' Whatever… _misunderstandings_ there may be between our families, for the sake of peace and prosperity, do not let it come any further.'  
The queen crossed her arms then, waiting for her reaction. Sansa wiped her nose and furrowed her eyebrows. 'I aint gon be a meek lil wife to that kid. Even if he's not a double geneburger.'  
'Anyone who is going to be a wife to him, is not allowed to be meek, or little, compared to him. That is your duty as queen. Be the ruler the kingdom needs, when your husband can not.'  
'Joffrey can't at all, though,' Sansa said. Cersei smiled.  
'Precisely. Joffery is not a king any more than your brother is. It's just a claim. The power lies with people who knows when and where to use it. Power is power, little dove.' She leaned against the balcony, looking at her with her smirk.'  
I could throw dis cap toothed bitch from this balcony in 2 seconds, Sansa thought.  
'As his intended I'm able to pull a lot of crap, right?'

Cersei, annoyed with her foul mouth, tried to hold her smile. _Yes of course, little dove, make Joffrey angrier. See how long you last.  
_ 'Yes. You are able to do things, say things. Whenever it is time to.' She stroke her golden lion pendant in thought as she stood upright. 'Fight back how you can, if it means peace.' _You'll be dead within the week._

Sansa looked at her with a curled up nose. 'damn fucken right I will,' she retorted.

  
So instead of being the prime audience for a bloody, terrific war, she now was a chess piece in the game of peace. And a queen to be to Joffrey Lannister, a much as that thought disgusted her.

'Lady Sansa,' Aleria interrupted her thoughts. 'Are you at all worried you might be cast aside in favour of the lady Margaery?' She looked at her, propped up on her elbows.

Sansa pulled her finger out of her nose, followed by a big hard booger and a snot rope the size of a thumb. She stared at her hand, yet again impressed by her bodily abilities. 'lmao bruh wtf u think im happy about huh?' she said, slurping at the soft end of the booger. 'myam myam, that kids gonna be askin her hand for sure. Might as well prepare for winter instead of war, with my family believing I'm ensuring peace by staying in this hell hole."

Aleria nodded in understanding. "We high born ladies must do whatever we can to ensure prosperity and peace. My lord father will want to marry me off as soon as he can, too. I am afraid this union will be between me and a Lannister knight or other…"

"the hell u will," Sansa looked at her seriously. "I ain't gon marry King Shitstain and you won't marry a fucking Lannister. I'll be god damn sure of that. Margaery's gon be a better girl for Joffrey and We'll fuck off outta here in no time. So," she sat upright and looked at her friend expectantly. "Imma look as uggo as possible this afternoon. Joff will look at me picking my nose and then at Margaery and if he ain't be willin to tap that ass he's even dumber than he looks." Aleria smiled at her and stood up. I have plenty of dresses for you to borrow for just that occasion, my lady."  
Sansa looked up at her contently.  
"Of course you do, girl!"


End file.
